Being in a relationship undoubtedly makes life beautiful and worthwhile. They are the essence of one’s life and make them feel loved, important, and valued. Though, nobody’s relationships are perfect and like most things in life are full of mistakes and imperfections, some relationships, however, are way too difficult to handle. These kinds can be extremely harmful to one’s well-being and it is important to identify signs of gaslighting in a relationship before it gets worse.
Understanding Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulative act that makes the other person question their beliefs, and perspectives and sows self-doubt and confusion in their minds. This makes the other person feel superior and dominant in the relationship and gain control over the other person. Here are 10 definite signs of gaslighting in a relationship that helps you identify whether your partner is gaslighting you.
10 Signs To Identify Signs Of Gaslighting In A Relationship
Experiencing gaslighting in a relationship can leave you emotionally drained and second-guessing yourself constantly. Sometimes, you might not even realize that you are being gaslighted. Hence, it is important to identify repeating acts of your partners that can be signs of gaslighting in a relationship.
1] Trivializing Your Feelings And Actions
When you are being gaslighted by your partner, your feelings are minimized and not given importance. It also includes dismissing and belittling your actions and feelings causing turmoil in the relationship. You may often get to hear phrases like” you are too sensitive” or “you overreact too much” from your partner, invalidating your emotions.
2] Constant Blame Game
Constant blaming is one of the most common signs of gaslighting in a relationship, where the other person does not take accountability for their actions. Their constant put-downs become a norm and breed mistrust in the relationship. You are even blamed for the reason behind their wrongdoing. This leaves you feeling frustrated, angry, broken, and inferior.
3] Feeling Of Loneliness And Powerlessness
When being gaslighted by your partner you often feel lonely even while being with them. This is because their toxic actions make you disconnect with them and lose all emotions. One is often subjected to feeling powerless as they unconsciously give powers to the other person to control them. Their needs and desires become completely dependent making them feel helpless.
4] Doubting Your Thoughts And Decisions
You tend to overthink and question yourself about every decision you make and may need validation from your partner for everything. They try to convince you that the treatment you are being subjected to is because of your actions. This makes you feel confused and anxious and knocks your confidence down. You constantly question yourself and your perceptions and eventually start believing that whatever your partner is saying is correct.
5] Blatant Lies
People who are involved in gaslighting are often narcissists who think highly of themselves and are habitual liars. It is very typical of them to fragment stories and scenarios depending on their convenience to deceive you. They convince you to believe in their lies even when you know that they are making things up. When asked about proof, they start acting as victims and blame you for doubting them. It is undoubtedly one of the dangerous signs of gaslighting in a relationship.
6] Loss Of Self Esteem And Confidence
Gaslighting in a relationship strips you of your confidence and self-esteem. When you are constantly blamed, lied to your face, and your feelings are trivialized, it shatters your self-esteem and confidence. You feel disconnected from yourself and seem to lose your identity which makes you believe that you are inadequate, unintelligent, and incapable.
7] Urge To Constantly Please Your Partner
If you are in a relationship in which your partner gaslights you often, you may find yourself in a feeling of pleasing them every time. You start assuming that you somehow made a mistake, let down people constantly ask for an apology, and bend backward just to please the other person. Seeking approval and trying to please them becomes the hallmark of your personality, creeping you into depression and darkness.
8] Refuse To Confront
Most of the time when you catch your partner telling a lie, they divert the topic or refuse to confront about their wrongdoings. This is one of the first signs of gaslighting in a relationship that breaks the trust between partners. They always avoid conflicts by diverting the issues and refusing to answer your questions. While this may save harmony in a relationship, avoiding confrontation every day is not a sign.
9] Words That Do Not Match Actions
It is often noticed that a partner who gaslights when apologizes seems to repeat their mistakes in the future. Even after confronting you, they do not pay heed to your requests and continue with their actions that hurt you. Even when they convince you that they love and care for you, their actions do not reflect their words.
10] You Think You Are Going Insane And Being Labelled As One
One of the worst things that gaslighting can do to your personality is make you feel insane and you are unable to figure out what is wrong with you. You are often labeled as “insane”, “too sensitive”, “overthinker”, “problem-creator” etc. just to prove that you are the wrong one. You may also feel severe and chronic anxiety due to your partner’s actions.
Conclusion
If you suspect these signs of gaslighting in a relationship, and even after constant requests your partner acts indifferent to your pleas, it is better to walk out of that relationship. A relationship is meant to empower and enrich you making you happy and safe. If a relationship does not provide you with that and makes you feel vulnerable and unhappy, then you should not continue to be in that relationship. You may also want to seek help from mental health experts and peers who can help you out of the trauma inflicted on you.
FAQs
1] What is gaslighting in a toxic relationship?
Gaslighting in a relationship is a manipulative act and an emotional abuse where you are misunderstood, and blamed for your actions. The abuser tries to control and twist the sense of reality by targeting your perspectives, making you feel like the ‘bad person’.
2] What are some of the warning signs of a person who gaslights?
The person who gaslights is often a narcissist who likes to think that they are always right and avoids confrontation when caught. They minimize your actions, and feelings and are involved with constantly blaming you for everything.
